At What Price Love?
by alba's room
Summary: Kirsten’s not perfect. Far from it. In fact, she’s quite normal. Selfish, even. If you tell her she can’t have something, she has to have it regardless of the cost. It’s the way she’s always been.
1. Prologue

**The O.C.**

**At What Price Love?**

**Author:** Alba's Room

**A/N:** I don't know how I really feel about this or if it makes sense but I couldn't do anything else to it without changing it completely. Reviews welcomed, even flames. This chapter is set in the future and therefore is before the events of the next few chapters.

**Summary:** Kirsten's not perfect. Far from it. In fact, she's quite normal. Selfish, even. If you tell her she can't have something, she has to have it regardless of the cost. It's the way she's always been.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The O.C. or its characters. That honour goes to Josh Schwartz.

**Prologue:**

Sometimes there are things that happen in life that you can't predict or choose. There are things in life that happen that kill you and there are things in life that make you stronger.

And then there are the things you do choose. The things that rock your foundations and change your life. The things that only people who are selfish choose.

Kirsten Cohen knows this better than anyone. But anyone who looks at her wouldn't see it. This thought makes her want to laugh.

From the outside, she looks perfect. That's what she wants people to think. She has an adoring family, a beautiful house, more money and power than she knows what to do with. More men than she knows what to do with. But that parts the secret. That's the one fatal flaw in her life. Her one drawback.

She likes men. And men, well, men like her.

And why wouldn't they? She's tall, skinny, blonde. Her clothes do nothing but emphasize what she has and what she likes to do with it.

But she's a tease. It's a known fact she only sleeps with an average of one out of fifteen men she flirts with. And it's a known fact there's only three she keeps going back too.

Jimmy. Sandy. Carter.

It would kill her if the boys ever knew. If Seth or Ryan came home early one day and found her with another man. If Sandy knew, well, she didn't think it would bother her so much. He wasn't exactly perfect himself. She knew he'd slept around before. She figured it was her right to do the same.

She wasn't always like this. She hadn't always fallen in love with a new man every week. She hadn't always slept with other men. She'd once been quite good, quite perfect. In fact, it was Sandy who'd changed her. She'd been a virgin before she'd met him. She'd been unaware of the effect her body had on men, been unaware what complete pleasure and abandon felt like.

She'd lost that pretty quickly. All it took was in, out, in, out, in, out. A few back arches, a few screams, more moans, and that was it.

She suddenly knew what it was like to be loved and relieved. She knew what it was like to be wanted, to be needed, to have power.

And she wanted it all the time.

And they got married and she was told she couldn't have anyone but him. That was Sandy's first mistake. Never tell a Nichol what they can't have. It only makes them want it more. And they always get what they want.

And it seems they never get what comes coming to them. Karma doesn't bite them in the arse. They do that themselves.

Sandy knocked on her office door late at night, not long after she'd been loved and relieved by a distressed Carter. It would be their last night because she'd realized something that night.

"Hey," Sandy called out quietly. Kirsten sat on her desk, her blouse still unbuttoned and falling around her waist. Her white see-through bra made her seem almost childlike and innocent. She gazed slowly up at her husband who made his way to her concerned.

"I'm so sorry, Sandy," she whispered, looking away. She looked up at him. "I never wanted you to see me like this."

"I wonder why," he said, anger finally showing in his voice. "I don't think you should come home tonight. I don't think you should come home ever."

"Sandy," she cried out, standing up. She raced over to the door and blocked his exit. He stood in front of her and they looked at each other. She placed her small, delicate hands on his face, and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He fought her at first but then he imperceptibly sighed and gave in. She walked around him and pushed him hard into the doorjamb. He opened his mouth to talk but she whispered into his mouth making him delirious. "Shh. Don't talk."

Kirsten took his hand and she led him over to the desk where he finished peeling off her shirt and her bra. And as they had sex on the cold, hard desk, she knew the answer to the question she had been asking herself since she met him.

At what price love?

And the answer was herself. She was the price she paid for her love. Her body was what she paid to keep her husband close to her.

All she wanted was for him to notice her, to really see her.

And it had cost her body and her soul but her plan had worked.

And it was all his fault because if he had loved her from the start and told her she could have anything she liked, she would have really been the perfect wife.

If she were standing in front of a jury of her peers, she would tell them not to judge, or let the person who had not sinned cast the first stone. She would admit that the decisions were hers to make, that she chose to sleep with other men, but she would explain why and they would understand.

Sometimes there are things that happen in life that you can't predict or choose. There are things in life that happen that kill you and there are things in life that make you stronger.

And then there are the things you do choose. The things that rock your foundations and change your life. The things that only people who are selfish choose.

Kirsten Cohen knows this better than anyone. But anyone who looks at her wouldn't see it. This thought makes her want to laugh.


	2. Snake

**The O.C.**

**At What Price Love?**

**Author:** Alba's Room

**A/N:** A few people suggested that I make this a multi-chaptered story so I decided to do just that. I think this a little weird but hopefully not so weird that people won't like it. I don't think I've ever written or read anything like it. I don't know what's with me lately. I'm very twisted and dark. Oh well. Here we go. I hope you like. Thanks so much for the reviews! Alba. xxox

**Summary:** Kirsten's not perfect. Far from it. In fact, she's quite normal. Selfish, even. If you tell her she can't have something, she has to have it regardless of the cost. It's the way she's always been.

**Setting: (Important)** This chapter occurs in the past so Sandy doesn't know that Kirsten is sleeping with other men. He's still the Sandy on the show but later I'll go deeper into his character and show that he, like her, is very flawed. As was established last chapter, he has slept with other woman but he still loves his wife.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The O.C. or its characters. That honour goes to Josh Schwartz.

**Chapter One:** Snake

Kirsten wrapped her towel around her red and raw body. She always turned the hot water on too high in the shower. That was her coping mechanism. She figured if she turned the water on high enough and scrubbed hard enough, that maybe she could remove the top layer of skin. And with the removal of that skin, maybe all the sin, the adultery she had committed would be purged out and would sink down the sink.

She was like a snake. Everyone knew that snakes were pure evil and yet they let themselves be seduced by them, time and time again. But that wasn't why Kirsten thought of herself as a snake. It wasn't the way she twisted her body or hissed seductively to get what she wanted. Nor was it the way she curled her tongue to make the men go wild. It was the way that she, and they, shed their skin.

Every now and then, even the devil feels remorse and every now and then, even snakes wish need to change the way they look, the way feel, take back things they've done. Even snakes personalities change or their feelings grow ensuing in them needing to shed their skin or in a humans' case, change their tune. But instead of changing her hair colour, buying something new or even repenting, Kirsten does what any normal snake does. Loses her top layer of skin in one go. She sits in the shower with the water scalding hot and scrubs at her skin with a loofah and exfoliant. She scrubs away Jimmy, she scrubs away Carter, she even scrubs away Sandy, and he's the one she comes home to every night.

When she first started sleeping with other men, she used to perform the process every six to eight snakes, just like young snakes but as she got used to the lies and deceit, as she began to enjoy the thrill of the elicit, the task was only performed ever one to two years depending on how guilty she began to feel.

"Honey?" Sandy calls into the bedroom. She sighs and quickly sculls down the half-full glass of vodka that rests on the edge of the bathtub. She sits on the floor with her head pressed against the cold, hard edge of the tub. The white bathmat is scrunched up around her feet and her towel is clumsily wrapped around her like a dress.

"In here," she shouts back. Her eyes are closed and her fingers are crossed that he will not come in and invade her darkened privacy. The lights are off and in an act of rebellion against the house rules, she neglected to turn the fan on leaving her in a dark, misty wonderland which perfectly matched her mood. Tumultous. Dark. Uncertain.

"You okay?" he asks, standing outside the door. She silently sighs in relief, knowing he isn't going to enter. He patiently waits for her to answer. He makes her sick sometimes, the way he dotes on her. when she's not feeling half as guilty and when she's all his, she doesn't mind nearly so much, but sometimes, like right now, she just wishes he'd leave her alone.

"I just had a rough day at work," she answers, rolling her eyes. A rough day in the office, yes, but work? When is work hard? She and Carter had nearly been caught when she forgot to lock her office door. The little disturbance had come just as she was shoved against her office door, her skirt pushed all the way up on her hips, her lips mutely screaming into Carter's neck. The handle had turned slightly but Kirsten had somehow, in her dramatic climax, managed to lock it just in time.

The interruption, the dread of being caught, had been enough to plunge her into dark, desperate guilt and she had felt the need to rush home and wash away the remnants of the sin she had committed. That was why she was here now, locked away from her husband and her family, blood from the places she had over-scrubbed seeping into the once white towel. She was determined not to fall again, not to fuck another man but her husband. She had never been in the business of revenge until he reiterated the vow that said she was too be faithful until death did them part. It was only when he reminded her that she reminded him he had broke the sacred vow that she did the same.

Right now, as she listened to her husband breathe outside the room, she felt truly guilty for what she had done. But tomorrow, when the light shone into their bedroom and into the bed of lies that they shared, maybe she would not feel the same. She had always thought that the night gives you courage and makes you do crazy things. She had always thought that the night gave you irrational thoughts and that nothing made sense.

She figured there was a reason that snakes were more alert in the night and that was what made her different from all the other snakes. She did her dirty deeds during the day when the sun was high in the sky and burning bright. But not tomorrow and not tonight. Tonight, she was a new snake and she had new skin. Tonight, she dressed in her pyjamas, donned a dressing gown and joined her husband on the couch for Chinese and a video.

Even snakes have to be good sometimes.


	3. The Devoted Husband

**The O.C.**

**At What Price Love?**

**Author:** Alba's Room

**A/N:** Just wanted to say thanks for the support. This stories timeline is probably going to jump around a bit so watch for A/N's or Setting notes. Hope you like this new chapter. Alba xxox

**Summary:** Kirsten's not perfect. Far from it. In fact, she's quite normal. Selfish, even. If you tell her she can't have something, she has to have it regardless of the cost. It's the way she's always been.

**Setting:** This chapter takes us about five years back meaning Seth is about twelve and Ryan hasn't come yet. I'm taking liberties with Josh's storyline but (haven't I already, though) and I'm saying that Seth and Marissa have been best friends since he moved to Newport. Also, Sandy already practices private law.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The O.C. or its characters. That honour goes to Josh Schwartz.

**Chapter Two:** The Devoted Husband

"Mrs. Cohen, how are you?" Sandy's young assistant, Allison, asked as Kirsten walked towards the desk. She took in Kirsten's tear-stained face and grungy apparel and figured something had happened.

"Is Sandy in there?" Kirsten spat, stopping at the desk. Allison tried not to draw attention to the mascara and eyeliner that had pooled under Kirsten's eyes or the mascara that marred her normally impeccably made up face. She made a point not to stare too long at the grey trackpants, the navy and white striped long sleeved top or the olive green sweater coat that was haphazardly tied around Kirsten's tiny waist with the matching sash. She waited for Allison to answer but seeing she was too busy taking her disheveled appearance she snapped again. "Is Sandy in there?"

"Yes, Mrs. Cohen-"

"Alone or by himself?" she asked again.

"He's with a client," Allison answered, glancing away. Kirsten clenched her teeth, her fists, her heart. She let out an angry growl that caused Allison to scoot her chair back a few feet.

"Who's he with?" Kirsten asked, slamming her fists down on the bench. A vase of flowers rattled along with the placard announcing that this was Sandy Cohen's office, that he specialized in divorce and family law and that Allison Martin, who right now was silent even though the phone was ringing, was his secretary. Kirsten found a sign on the wall that listed the names of the partners and their specialties. She read the million names of the million associates listed in alphabetical order followed by the millions of degrees the millions of employees had undertook just to become another one of the millions to fight against the other millions. She read the sign twice and then looked back at Allison who had yet spoken. "Allison, who is my husband with?"

"I really can't say," Allison stuttered. That was enough for Kirsten. He was not with a client.She stormed past Allison's desk and towards her husband's office door. She reached the door and lifted a hand to slam the glass, which was presently blocked by Venetian blinds when something stopped her.

Barging in on him like this was useless. He wouldn't be embarrassed, he wouldn't stop his ways and it would only result in unnecessary and unsettling arguments about trust, commitment and the like. She didn't want to put Seth through it all. Her parents had argued non-stop at times and she had found herself crying herself to sleep. It wasn't the life she wanted for her only son, her only child.

Wordlessly, Kirsten wrapped her arms around her stomach and walked past Allison, out into the pouring rain. If this were a movie or a book, she would have laughed not only at the irony that the downpour matched her emotions but that this was such a typical scene. Of course the devoted wife would reach the conclusion that the husband she thought was as equally devoted husband was having an affair as the rain poured down. Of course, the heartbroken wife would slog through the rain towards her car, not caring that she was sopping wet. Of course the wife would place her hands on the steering wheel and her head on them and would cry as they rain continued to fall. The only thing that Kirsten hadn't seen before was this. The devoted husband hadn't been caught by the devoted, he hadn't been yelled at, they hadn't fought, she hadn't left him. The devoted wife had simply walked out into the rain, hoping that this was all just a bad dream.

Kirsten instinctively knew this wasn't all a bad dream. Something compelled her to sit in her car and watch until her husband exited the building. She didn't have to wait long. her eyes drifted over towards the front door of the office and away from the telegraph pole she had had her eyes clearly set on. She almost literally had to rip her eyes away after willing her heart to forget this incident and pretend nothing was wrong with her marriage and that her husband was devoted. But her heart wouldn't let her stay in comfort. It had to know.

Sandy, dressed in a black suit with an open collared white shirt, exited the building holding a black umbrella above his head in one hand and a briefcase in the other. So far, so good. Kirsten smiled and sighed in relief until a shadow caught her attention. A brunette female in a very fitted, very sexy black skirt suit waved to someone before joining Sandy under his umbrella. The arm holding the briefcase made it's way around her waist briefly before they walked quickly to Sandy's black car.

All the black was making Kirsten feel sick but she saw that it was justified. Of course, her heart was breaking, of course everything should be black. The car, the clothes, the air, the mood. What wasn't black was gold. The line of buttons down the front of the woman's jacket, the tanned skin that flashed underneath the almost thigh high split of the woman's skirt, the gold cuff that held the dark brown ponytail in place. Black and gold. These colours had never had significance to Kirsten before. Even her wedding ring was platinum. But now, they were instilled in her brain just like the sound of her son's voice.

'_This doesn't mean they're having an affair_,' Kirsten thought to herself. _'Maybe he's just walking her to her car. Maybe they're just friends.'_

But she'd seen the way they touched, the way they smiled, the way they were walking. This was no good and gentlemanly deed. Kirsten watched in horror as they walked to the passenger side of Sandy's car. He unlocked the door and opened first the backseat where he threw down his briefcase and then took hers off her and placed it next to it. He then opened the front door and moved sideways, allowing her to stand in between him and the open car door. She said something to him and he leant over and kissed her before she slid effortlessly into what was normally Kirsten's place. He then smiled to himself, swung her door shut and walked around to his side where he hopped in, started the car and peeled away from the office.

Kirsten quickly turned her car on and drove the opposite way. She made it home without crying, she made it inside without crying, she made it through her usual greetings with Seth and Marissa who was sprawled on the couch looking at a comic with Seth while some whiny music played in the background. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. The phone rang and Kirsten jumped. She let Seth answer it, hoping that Sandy would simply ask him to pass a message onto his mother but not so.

"Mum, Dad wants to talk to you," came her son's voice. Kirsten mentally cursed Sandy and reluctantly picked up the phone. She heard Julie enter the house to collect Marissa and she wanted to get the phone call over before her best friend stuck her head around the corner to hear the day's gossip.

"Hey," Kirsten said, mustering enough courage to sound normal.

"Hey," Sandy said back with just as much feeling. "I was just calling to let you know I'll be home late tonight. I'm stuck at the office doing some work on a joint case with another partner."

"Anyone I know?" Kirsten asked, the question betraying her true feelings.

"I don't think so. Have you met Amanda?" he asked, not even pretending to be wounded that she hadn't pleaded with him to come home.

"Tall, skinny, brown hair?" Kirsten asked, as silent tears fell down her face. That was no client Sandy had been in his office with. That was no client Sandy had left with.

"Yeah, that's the one. When did you two meet?" Sandy asked, not bothering to mask his surprise.

"Some dinner party or other," Kirsten said, fobbing the question off. "Anyway, I better let you get back to work. Have fun and try not to be home too late."

"Ok, honey. I promise," Sandy replied. "Love you."

"Hm-mm. You too," Kirsten said, hanging up the phone. She pressed her wrist to her eyes to stop the flow of tears, allowing only a few stray tears to escape and make their way down her face to splash on her white and blue top. Julie came around the corner and saw Kirsten. She quickly rushed to her side and clutched her hand.

"Kirsten, sweetie, what's wrong?" she asked, her face full of concern.

"It's nothing," Kirsten answered, forcing a smile onto her face. "Just work. Listen, can you do me a favour? Sandy's going to be home late today and things have been so busy, I've hardly had a minute to myself. Would you mind if Seth came over for a few hours?"

"Of course not," Julie readily agreed. "I'm sure Marissa would love the company. Honestly, it never ceases to amaze me how long those two can spend together and not get sick of each other."

Kirsten shrugged and smiled her first real smile. She had been so glad to find that the house she and Sandy had bought was next to her oldest friend and his wife. The two families had intertwined and become so close, it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. She was really grateful for it at times like this. Julie smiled at Kirsten and left quickly. She could hear Julie talking to Kirsten, she heard Marissa's loud exclamations and Seth's soft ones. She smiled and reciprocated Seth's kiss when he came in to say goodbye but through it all, she was numb.

She was sitting in the kitchen when Jimmy came over. she had drunk nearly a whole bottle of wine and was feeling quite sorry for herself when he rushed in, all concerned.

"I just thought I'd see how you were," he said, his face friendly and open as he let himself in the back door. "How are you?"

"You see," she answered. He came over and gathered her in his arms.

"I see," he said, placing a kiss on her forehead. She let her head rest against his firm chest, comforted by the feelings it brought. She turned her head up to him, the wine finally affecting her. He looked down at her, slightly confused when she craned her neck to kiss him. He didn't back away when she dragged her fingers through his hair, bringing his head down to hers. He didn't back away when she moaned or when she dragged him to the couch or when they fell onto the lounge. He didn't back away when she undid his belt or when she pulled her own pants down. He didn't back away when they made love.

He didn't back away until they'd finished and even then, it was to leave and go back to his wife.

She felt satiated then. If Sandy ever found out, it would kill him. And right now, that was exactly what she wanted. Or so she thought.

In the days to come, Kirsten's body would ache for Jimmy's. They would find ways to touch other, make excuses to be alone. And in those days, she would realize her body was reawakened and what she really wanted was him. It had been a long time coming but now, here it was. Always. Forever. Him.

And the devoted husband too.


End file.
